In a move that is not suprising to anyone, the U.S. government today announced that it will be mandatory for “all persons over the age of 10″ to begin wearing a carbon dioxide reducing breathing mask. The mask, which will retail for $149.00, must be purchased at the expense of each individual with no government compensation offered.

The picture above shows a protoype of the breathing mask, along with programmable chest piece and belt. The chest piece will control how much oxygen the person is allowed to intake as well as how much carbon dioxide the person is allowed to exhale. It contains a microcomputer controlled sensor that detects the level CO2 being released. If the person does an “above average amount of breathing” their oxygen intake will be reduced in order to diminish the amount of carbon dioxide they are able to exhale.

When asked if a person could literally suffocate on their own breath, the chief scientific engineer responded, “It’s not likely during normal activity. However, while working out or having sex a person must be careful to maintain a normal breathing pattern.”

Obviously I wrote this to be satirical and funny, but when I read articles like this , I worry that we aren’t far away from the days when government does try to make a similar law.

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Tags: carbon dioxide, co2 emissions, epa, evironmentalists, global warming, greenhouse gas, Satire